Checklist 1: Do this if you are breathing
This is the first of three checklists that I’ll include based on my experience. The first is a list of things that every person should do to prepare, the second will be for those who have lost a loved one (what to expect) and the third will be how to support someone who has lost a loved one. These are all based on my experience with contributions from a few friends who have also experienced loss. I’m sure there are better resources available online, just sharing from my perspective.
Obie’s favorite phrase was “failing to plan is planning to fail”. I get it, planning for your end of life is not anything to get excited about. But I implore you, DO IT NOW! You may not need that planning for many, many years, and nothing would make me happier. But god forbid, if something bad happens, you are doing a massive disservice to those in your life if you do not have some of these actions completed. So, don’t be a dick and plan ahead, your loved ones will be saved from a lot of stress while they are also grabbling with their loss.
My friends Brad and Brian shared that they use a system called the NOK Box (Next of Kin), it’s very detailed and will walk you through an even more detailed list. But here’s a run down of the things that helped me and a few that I wish we had better organized.
LEGAL
Luckily we had these documents and I had to use every one of them in our situation. If we hadn’t, my life would have been so much more difficult.
Last will and testament: you don’t have to drop a lot on an attorney (although I highly recommend leveraging that expertise). If you know your burial preferences, this is a great place to capture that to avoid guessing by your survivors.
Durable Power of Attorney (healthcare and finances) with first and second priority. Having more than one provides a back up if necessary.
Community Property Agreement (if married in a community property state)
Advance Directive for Healthcare (also known as a living will): Be specific on your directive to physicians. Do you want artificial nutrition? Hydration? These things are uncomfortable to think about, but they remove the burden from your loved ones on having to make those impossible decisions.
Beneficiaries: make sure that you how your beneficiary designations have been entered and keep this up to date. (see comment below from Abby, who is our favorite lawyer).
FINANCIAL
Bank Accounts: make sure that your partner is on all of your accounts. If you are single, then add your next of kin. In times of loss, you do not want to be fighting with the bank for access to those funds. So get on the account, set up the online account access, get the debit card. I had to scramble on a few of things and in hindsight, we should have taken care of that in advance. Write down every single account number, the type of account, the value/balance and any online account passwords.
Credit Cards: write down account numbers, user names and passwords. Your surviving family member is going to need to track transactions and make payments. Be sure that you know what recurring payments are made on these cards.
Retirement Planning: when you get to the point of planning for your retirement, if you are married, you had better factor in the long-term financial security of your spouse for any defined benefits. I am so thankful that Obie was looking out for me and set me up for the long term. I know of other examples where the surviving spouse experienced a loss in monthly income which is the last thing you want them to grapple with on top of everything else.
Cash Reserve: this falls into the bonus category, but I have found that there is a several month period of time where your survivor will need access to funds to cover expenses but any survivor benefit payments take months to process. Make sure they have access to funds that will bridge them over a couple of months before benefits get settled and they can better understand their longer term financial situation.
ASSETS
Make a list of assets (real estate, deeds of trust, partnerships, IRAs, pension plans, profit sharing and any other retirement plans), bank accounts, credit union accts, brokage accts, stock and bonds, mutual funds, life insurance, promissory notes or other contracts.
If you are married, make sure both your names are on your assets and accounts. It is very helpful to have them read "or" and not "and". I am currently working through getting all of the titles transferred and in some cases, will have to get a new license plate because of how the names were listed.
If you own property, know where the deeds to your properties are located.
HOUSEHOLD
Make a list of how each household bill is paid (i.e., from which credit card or bank account). This is especially important where one person takes care of all of this, it’s a big lift to figure it all out on your own.
Keep all of your documents in a safe place (a fireproof safe is the best spot, NOT your freezer!) but keep a copy in an obvious location in your home and then write instructions on that copy directing to the original. That way, if someone does pass unexpectedly, their loved ones are not scrambling trying to locate the original.
ACCOUNTS
The sheer volume of online accounts that you have can be staggering. My security minded husband had a unique password for EVERY online account. Luckily, he had most of them written down. Make sure you have the password for any computers, phones or other devices written down and that you know where the latest version is (I had to sort through a few hard copy versions to now which was most up to date). The ones that I’ve found to be the most useful were banks, SSA, insurance policies and travel (hotel and airlines). In a pinch, you can always reset a password but you’ll need access to their email and phone.
INSURANCE
Review your coverage and know with great certainty which kind of insurance coverage you have and the amount of coverage. Write down every policy number, the coverage amount and the company providing the coverage. Term life will pay upon someone’s death, AD&D will pay only if the death occurred as part of an accident. Decisions about coverage are very personal but at least know the rationale for those decisions. Nothing sucks worse than reeling from the loss and then not knowing what benefits are waiting for you, or worse, thinking you have term life but discover that it is AD&D and there is no benefit..
CEMETARY
You get bonus points if you get this far into the list, but if you make arrangements in advance (and pay for it), you will save your loved ones from decisions in the days after your death. In my case, it was actually less expensive to pre-pay for my funeral plan than what I paid for Obie.
What have I missed? Comment below and I’ll add your feedback to this list.