Permanence and enormity
Looks like Wednesdays are going to be the day for updates (gold star for anyone who noticed that I was off on my Friday-eve reference in last week’s update). Time seems to be both flying by and dragging along so slowly. I was shocked to realize that it has only been three weeks since Obie passed away, each day feels like a week and each week feels like a month. I find myself getting frustrated with how long things take, but then realize that it really hasn’t been that long. I hope that you’ve had a week filled with love and joy.
SAVE THE DATE: we have landed on the last weekend of June for the celebrations for Obie in Richland. We will hold a golf tournament at Horn Rapids on Friday, June 27 and celebrations of life on Saturday, June 28. More details to come but wanted you to mark your calendars.
Permanence and enormity. Those are two words that have been in my mind a lot this last week. The reality of life without Obie is starting to sink in more. The permanence of his absence and the enormity of the hole that he leaves in our lives feels like a crushing weight at times. I think I’ve cried more in the last week than any prior, but I’m letting the emotions flow as they come. Thank you to everyone who took me to lunch or dinner, checked in or helped with something on my to do list. I continue to be surrounded by your love which is helping me keep my head up in these heavy times.
I have started back to work and it is so nice to see all of the special people who have supported me through the last two months. I am blessed to work with a lot of really amazing people and every meeting is a new set of faces, sharing their sympathy. I’ve held it together for the most part but it is hard, I feel wiped out by the end of the day and I’m not even full time yet. I don’t know that I’m being all that effective and I can feel that my mental acuity is diminished, but I’m showing up which is a start.
The enormity of actions needed when someone passes away continues to surprise me. At the point when I think I’ve got my arms around it, I learn of another set of actions that are needed. Over the last week I’ve been able to make a lot of progress: donating his clothes to the Union Gospel Mission, organizing my clothes, starting development on my blog website, spending Gigi time with Cole, meeting with my financial advisor, cooking a turkey dinner for the kids and selling our old 5th wheel. Gertie is up for sale if anyone is looking for a kick ass mini van. The list of actions doesn’t seem to be getting any shorter, but at least I’m making progress.
I will probably write a specific blog post about the important documents that everyone should have, but here’s a quick preview: 1) will, 2) durable power of attorney for healthcare and finances, 3) community property agreement (if in a community property state), 4) all bank accounts with both spouses on them, and 5) list of all accounts, user names and passwords (including email and phone). Even with all of these in hand, this has been a bit of a scavenger hunt at times.
According to my favorite grief book, my level of functioning will continue to decline over the next few months, hopefully starting to come back up in June. I’m enlisting a ton of help to pull off those events and to avoid as much stress as possible. While I am letting my grief flow, I am clutching every scrap of my functioning with white knuckles. If I can continue to be productive and get things done, some sense of accomplishment will balance out the sense of loss.
Sorry this update isn’t all that uplifting, but as I promised, I’m going to share the ups and not so ups along the way. I will close with an example of the impact that Obie had on people. I had to call the storage company where we keep our fifth wheel as our bank had cancelled Obie’s debit card (with no notice 😐). I needed to change the card on file and when I told the manager that Obie had passed, he was so shaken that he had to take a moment to compose himself (at this point I’m crying too). He shared that he has been working there for 21 years and Obie was his favorite customer, always being friendly, responsive and respecting him in his role. I need to start compiling the stories I’ve been getting. As we all know, Obie was one of a kind and he touched all of us with his respect, kindness and love. May we all strive to have that kind of impact on every one we encounter throughout our lives. Sending you a hug on this cold winter evening.