Wearing my grief crown
Happy Friday-eve, hope you had a great week. I cannot recall a sunnier stretch than we’ve had across the entire PNW for the last two weeks, I know I’m not the only one enjoying it, thanks babe. I’ve had a few people check in so feel like it’s time for an update. All week I’ve been thinking “I don’t really have much to share” and then this ends up being one of the longest updates so far. My bad.
The trip to Seattle filled my heart, it was so great to connect with friends and loved ones, talking about the impact that Obie had on their lives and discussing the future. I also got to see two basketball games and two dance recitals, watching the next generation doing what they love. I’ve done a fair share of traveling by myself so that wasn’t anything new, the difference this time was that I didn’t have my anchor waiting at home for me. It was strange to not provide updates as I went through the weekend, which is what I would have done with Obie. I had a sweet suite at the hotel (see what I did there), courtesy of his status but it felt empty without him. I suspect this emptiness will be a prevailing theme as I navigate forward. I was able to do some damage at Athleta and Nordstrom on the way home, capping off the trip meeting Lauren and Maya for lunch at Din Tai Fung (a tradition of ours). A little closet refresh helps focus forward. I was pretty beat once I got home. I’m finding that my stamina and ability to multi task is impacted significantly.
This week has been a balance of working around the house in solitude and starting to reengage with Boys & Girls Club board duties. We had a board meeting on Tuesday, I spent a lot of time (probably too much time) thinking about whether I should join in person or virtually. I was concerned about going in person as I knew that there would be people who would want to hug me, and I would cry, then they would probably cry and I didn’t want it to become a distraction from the purpose of the meeting. I checked in with our club CEO and he assured me that any distraction would not be a problem, they wanted me to be there if I felt comfortable. The amount of fear that I had for attending in person surprised me, but I told myself it was time to be brave and put myself out there. It’s much easier to sit behind a keyboard and write about my grief, than it is to share that with you in person. As expected, there were hugs and there were tears but it was OK.
Tonight I was able to serve as a judge for our annual Youth of the Year event which is a competition for club youth with the winners advancing from the club level, to the state and national levels. The impact that clubs have on these kids is amazing and I love hearing their stories. Tomorrow in the final event where the winner will be announced. Three days in a row of wearing business clothes, who am I?
I am planning on easing back into work next week, my continued thanks to my work family who have been extraordinarily supportive of me taking the time that I need. I had dinner with my girlfriends last night and they shared the unprecendented chaos the administration change is causing so I want to get back and provide stability for my team. I will probably be part time for a few weeks as I get my feet back under me.
The big project for the week has been cleaning out the closets and preparing Obie’s clothes for donation to our local Union Gospel Mission for those without homes. I wanted to get this task done before heading back to work and while I still had Gertie for transport (he has a LOT of clothes). I kept the items which have sentimental meaning, the rest will fill a great need for those who can benefit from his clothing. The temperatures are frigid and I kept looking at his warm clothes and knew that it was time to get them into the hands of those who need them now. Apparently large sizes are very hard to come by, so they are ecstatic to have this donation heading their way. So the figurative closet refresh that I mentioned earlier is turning into a literal closet refresh/remodel project. Obie wasn’t the only one in this house with a lot of clothes…
Several of you have asked how the dogs are taking the loss and I really haven’t seen much of change. Penny is a bit more destructive with her separation anxiety but she goes through stages. Yesterday I had propped open the door to the garage while I loaded clothes from the closet to the van. I knew they would be out exploring the garage while I did it, I was surprised to see them in the van with Obie’s clothes. They stayed in the van for the entire time it took me to load it. They were sitting in the front seats, seeming to say “let’s go see daddy”. The tears are always close to the surface and that made me shed some.
This weekend is pretty wide open, I want to finish up the closet projects (minus the painting that I’ll get a professional to do) and generally get ready for work. I’m rereading the Empyrean series (Fourth Wing and Iron Flame) before reading the recently published Onyx Storm. I tried to start the last book over the weekend but was getting lost with the characters and politics, I love these books so I’m happy to be deep in dragons. I know Obie is laughing at me, but I got a stand that will hold my kindle and a page turner, so I can lay in bed and read without moving, only a push of a button to advance the page. So much easier than holding a book or my kindle, all my book girlies get it.
The flood of cards and sentiments have been amazing. The stories of how Obie has impacted their lives is a testament to the amazing person that he was and how legacy lives on in all of us. The planning for the various celebrations is progressing, there will be several throughout the next year. I have a charter boat secured in Kauai next January for a “Sunset, Cheers and Beers: A Celebration of Obie’s Life” cruise. The boat holds 49 people, so if you want to join us on 1/21/26, just let me know so I can get you on the list.
The biggest thing that I’ve learned over the last week is that I do not need to shield anyone from my grief. I am at a point where I can engage and have a normal conversation, but if they acknowledge Obie, I will cry. It’s not uncontrollable so it doesn’t get (too) awkward, but I am not going to hold those tears back. As my irreverent grief book says, love = grief. Also, it says that I have a grief crown, so wear it proudly. If you see me, you can expect a hug (if you want one) with a tear or two on your shoulder. But then we can get one with other topics.
So something for you to think about this weekend, are there parts of your authentic self that you are shielding from others? And if so, why? Turns out it may be holding you back from a deeper connection with those in your life. Get ready for me and my tears, but I’m pretty sure our relationship will be stronger for them. Love you!