Shrinking FTW
Happy Friday and hope you have an amazing weekend on deck! I’m heading to Seattle to see family and watch dance recitals (two of my favorite things). The weather continues to be amazing (cold but so sunny), thank you Obie. This week has felt short and long at the same time. I was able to get a lot accomplished on the very long list of things to do, while also having enough downtime to allow myself to grief and heal. I learned a lot too, I learned what happens when I push too much in a day, I reaffirmed that connecting with friends and family keeps me centered and I learned more about grief and how my mind/soul/body are reacting to Obie’s loss.
A dear friend gave me a book called “The Irreverent Grief Guide: How to F*king Survive Months 1-3” and it’s been a great reference. Bottom line, grief is different for every person, you have to embrace it or it will embrace you (most likely not in a productive way) and that my grief will impact almost every aspect of my life. But with this knowledge, I feel more prepared to move forward, honoring Obie’s legacy and adjusting to a life without him. The book talks about assessing the level to which someone grieving is functioning. I know that I am not functioning at full capacity, but I have had a string of successful days where I have accomplished something productive, I’ve given myself space to mourn and celebrated his love.
One of my “accomplishments” this week was watching seasons 1 and 2 of the TV series “Shrinking” on Apple TV. As I started the first episode, I realized that the plot was anchored around a father and daughter who had lost their wife/mother. There was a moment where I paused and asked myself if this would be good to watch right now. I’m so glad that I continued, it feels like I was meant to watch this show this week. If you haven’t watched it, I highly recommend it. There was a quote in the last episode that I loved (among many others): “We can get through anything if we have people to lean on.” Thank you so much for being the people I can lean on, both during his illness but also moving forward.
Our Horn Rapids community lost another one this week and his wife is a dear friend. My immediate reaction was to go all in and rally to support her. I paused though and quickly realized though that I did not have the capacity to life others right now. She’s surrounded by an amazing group of friends who can support her. I’ll be there to help navigate all of the details that need to be handled. You may be thinking, that’s a normal reaction, what’s special about that? The fact that I regulated my response and chose to focus on myself is not my typical response. So here’s to a new Kirby with a higher level of emotional self awareness and regulation! I trust that many of you will check me if you see me drifting backwards and not taking care of myself.
We have been the recipient of so many amazing flower arrangements over the last week and a half. As excepted, they are starting to wither away. One of my favorite things is to take week old arrangements and salvage the blooms that still have life and create a new floral arrangement. This feels much like my life right now, there are things that are changing that need to be shed, but focusing on the many aspects which bring me joy and celebrate Obie. Life will never be the same, but it can still be beautiful, filled with love and joy.
I’ve heard from enough of you that you would be interested in hearing my continued thoughts so I will be creating a blog, tentatively titled “Doing My Best”. Just need to figure out the right platform. So stay tuned. Hope you have an amazing weekend!