The in between
Sorry for the delayed post this week, I can tell when I start getting check-in texts that I’ve let it go too long without an update. I’m doing fairly well, good days and bad days. I’ve been spending my writing energy working on the next checklist and should have that out soon. I’ve also been very busy with work, Club and stuff around the house. Time just keeps marching on. Obie has been gone for two months now, longer than he was sick which is really surreal to think about. This last week was filled with learning moments that I’d love to share with you.
I learned a new word this week:
lim·i·nal /ˈlimənəl/ adjective
occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.
relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.
As I’ve mentioned before, I have been inspired by Rebecca Rusch for years. She has a new podcast, produced by the amazing Aerah, that explores untold stories of stillness, aptly called “What’s the Rusch”. Last week’s guests were two of the founders of the Modern Elder Academy (MEA) which is an midlife wisdom school with the goal to reimagine aging and create exciting and meaningful next chapters in midlife and beyond. They spoke about midlife as a liminal time in our lives, we are beyond our younger selves but also heading to later in life. While they were addressing the process of aging, I was struck with how appropriate this word is for where I am in my grief journey. The loss has happened (one boundary) and I am building a future that honors Obie and our life, but is also an unknown horizon at this point (the future threshold).
MEA held a “Midlife Mastery Summit” this past weekend where 16 of their faculty presented 30 minute previews of their longer workshops. I signed up because Rebecca was one of the presenters (super fan girl borderline stalker status unlocked) and it fit with my motto of late “why not?” There were 5 speakers who, even in a 30 minute period of time, really reshaped my thinking. I would love to travel to their Santa Fe or Baja campuses for a deeper dive into these topics. The one that hit me the hardest was during the last session when the speaker shared that it is during the liminal time, the in between phase, where you learn the most about yourself. It is messy, uncomfortable and things are hard. But he urged that trying to rush through this phase robs you of the growth potential that can be found within the struggle.
During this session, I was elbows deep in piles of crap in the garage, bound and determined to get it cleaned out. It made me pause and think about how I have been powering through everything on my list. For example:
massive progress on vendors and planning for Obie’s celebration of life weekend, see pic for this blog for details (check)
swapped out all of the cabinet pulls in the kitchen (check)
reorganized the files so that I can find things easier (check)
bought a new organizer for all of the documents that I have to refer to every time I deal with any aspect of the estate, used label gun to take that OCD to the next level (check)
meet with estate attorney and lawyer to determine any updates to my will (check)
finalize tax information and drop off at accountant (check)
change all titles to my name only (check)
yoga, orangetheory and massage (check, check, check)
30 hours working in the garage to get it organized (exhausting check)
3 trips to Goodwill, special thanks to Denny (check)
donate another carload of clothes and shoes to the Union Gospel Mission (check)
gathered the ridiculous number of documents needed to adjust the home mortgage to my name (check)
donate three more boxes of medical equipment to KC Cares (check)
disposition 15 years of expired flares (fire department), old paint (Habitat for Humanity) and burned out fluoresenct light bulbs (local Ace store). Including where in case others need to know where to take these things since you are cleaning out your garages based on my earlier post (right? check)
All of those checks bring a sense of accomplishment and progress. But maybe I need to slow down and embrace this liminal period. I don’t feel like I’m a crazy lady running around with my head cut off. But damn, that list makes me cringe just a bit. It’s good to feel productive, but maybe I need to quit running, most likely running away from the messy feelings of this transition state. By now you have probably gathered that I like to have things neat and tidy and to be in control (Enneagram 8 at it’s finest). I suspect that I need to be more conscientious about embracing the mess, for now, knowing that the future will get here soon enough. This will not be something that comes easy for me, and I welcome you all to hold me accountable. Together, we can navigate this in between together. Sending you all my love, thank you for being you!