Yes, fun is allowed
Welcome to the first blog post on the website, fingers crossed I have it set up correctly! In theory, you should be able to subscribe with your email and get notified when I post. I’ll still text until we know this is working.
Another Wednesday has come and almost gone, I hope you are having a great week. It has poured rain here today, there is lake in the fairway behind the house and I’m thankful that it was just warm enough to keep it from snowing, we would have had a lot to deal with. This past week has felt a bit like rounding the bend in a road, the first month of life without Obie has gone by in both a flash and long haul. As we enter the second month, the grief is still there but it doesn’t feel quite as debilitating.
I’ve made a few decisions this last week that has helped to put me on a better path. Effective next week, I will be moving to a 24 hour schedule at work which is a big relief. I just don’t have the energy and focus to pull off an effective 40 hours right now. I’m so thankful that I work with such supportive people and that our company allows this as an option.
The biggest learning over the last week was that it is possible to have fun while also feeling a sense of loss and sadness. The weekend spent in Arizona was exactly what my heart needed. Spending three days with Derek, Tim and Lana, reminiscing about Obie, soaking up the sun and having fun lifted some of the weight. We played pickleball for 2 1/2 hours which was a blast, although I found muscles that have long been dormant. The weather was perfect and we spent time at the pool in the afternoon. Then we headed to the main event, which was Derek’s dueling piano debut. This was a goal he set for himself, took piano and voice lessons and totally rocked “Tears of Jupiter” to a full house at Low Key in Tempe. I know that Obie and Cindy were arm in arm, smiling down on us. The next day, I hiked A Mountain (the one in Tempe with the ASU “A” on it, felt appropriate) then Derek and I visited the Desert Botanical Garden, grabbed some lunch then met back up with Tim and Lana for dinner.
Obie and I had been planning to take the new 5th wheel to Arizona next year, so while there, I secured a spot starting next October and will have someone pull the RV down there for me. It is in the same park (Pueblo El Mirage) where Tim and his sister stay along with other folks from the Tri-Cities. It will be bittersweet to not have Obie with me but I know that he’ll be there in spirit and would want me to continue our dream. At this point, I’m planning on staying for about 6 weeks in October-November and again in February-March as I want to be home during the holidays and then have the trip to Kauai in January. A girlfriend’s daughter is getting married in Vietnam in February and the dates are perfect to fly from Kauai so I’m seriously considering that as well.
I had the Hunny-Do crew here the last two days painting the two closets in our master bedroom and installing new light fixtures. The closet project is almost done and I’m really happy with how it turned out. Feel free to stop by if you want a grand tour! The two guys who did the work were great, Penny kept a close eye on them the whole time, they called her their supervisor. I’ll have them come back to tackle a few other projects I am planning.
It feels like life is settling into a routine where the gap of Obie’s absence is still there, but it is not a black hole of grief pulling me under. I received a card today from someone who had worked with Obie for decades and she shared that she loved to see the twinkle in Obie’s eye whenever he looked at me. I am so lucky to have experienced unconditional love with him. While he isn’t physically here anymore, I still feel that love wherever I am. It is that gift that helps me weather the hard days that will always be a part of my future.
My wish for you is that you also experience that depth of love in your life, treasure it while you can as it will carry you through in the event that you lose that person. Hoping that you are also finding some solace as you work through the grief of losing Obie. I’d love to hear from you, thanks to everyone who continues to check in and express their support. You are all amazing and I know that Obie is proud of how we are all finding our way right now. Until next week, hugs to you all.